I’m really excited to be one of the poets featured in the first series of Seren Poetry Podcasts. Each one is an interview with the poet and includes them reading their work. I’m in the company of some amazing poets including Kim Moore, Polly Atkin, Rhian Edwards, Eric Ngalle Charles, Christopher Meredith and others. I spent a lovely couple of hours at Wordsworth Grasmere with Chris Gregory from the audio production company Alternative Stories being interviewed. We talked about life and death, what a heart sound like, how poems come to you at the most inconvenient times, the different qualities of rain in the Lake District and of course animals; pigs, sheep, what it’s like to assist in the birth of a calf and how being a vet gives you a unique perspective into the lives of animals. He also asked me about the experience of being a mother and stepmother, we found we had a shared love of folk music and I think morris dancing even made an appearance! There is a preview of me reading one of the poems here https://www.buzzsprout.com/2035359/11391669-preview-five-auscultation-by-ilse-pedler and the whole podcast will be out on Thursday 12th October, just search for The Seren Poetry Podcast in any of the usual podcast apps, Spotify, Google, Apple etc.
The first podcast with Polly Atkin was released on 6th October and is full of interesting information about living with chronic illness, the beauty and the rain in the Lake District ( I think there’s a theme emerging. here) and the life of Dorothy Wordsworth. You can listen to it here https://www.buzzsprout.com/2035359/11442854-polly-atkin-much-with-body
I’m really excited to be reading with two other wonderful poets, Kerry Darbishire @KerryDarbishire and Kelly Davis https://www.kellydavis.co.uk/ in Kendal on September 15th. We all had books published last year but due to Covid haven’t had an in person launch and as there’s nothing like the buzz of reading live to an audience, we decided to hold one together. Kerry and Kelly’s book Glory Days is a collaboration exploring the different phases of a woman’s life and the expectations if you’re growing up as a female and there’s also a moving sequence of poems about he relationships between mothers and daughters. My book Auscultation contains poems about my life as a veterinary surgeon, mother and stepmother. Do come and see us on September 15th at Outside In Beezon Rd, Kendal, LA9 6EL from 7-9pm. There are also open mic slots available, just sign up on the door, admission is free. Oh, and there’s also tea and cake, what’s not to like!
Test tubes are remarkable objects, simple in design, robust enough to withstand acids and high temperatures and used every day all over the world. They are basic items of scientific equipment and yet they are also things of beauty. Over the centuries they have facilitated experiments leading to life-changing discoveries and as well as having a practical use, a certain alchemy takes place within them.
When I inherited a box of old test tubes I wanted to do something different with them. I felt torn between the scientist and the poet in me and then realised that there were similarities between the creation that can take place in a test tube and the creative process of producing a poem and I wanted the test tubes to somehow contain that alchemy of the poem. So I wrote a series of short poems about natural objects that also have a certain magic about them, how a feather facilitates flight for example or how wood shaving produced in the working of wood, once made a tree. Each test tube contains the scroll of a poem and an example of the object it relates to; a feather, a shell or a wood shaving. I also wrote an introductory poem In Which a Poet Considers Her Similarities to a Test Tube which is a playful introduction to the concept of this project. You can view the poem on my poems page.
I have been a stepmother for 30 years and a mother for 27 and this has inevitably found its way into my poems. People sometimes ask me what it’s been like to be a stepmother and how it differs from being a mother. The comparison I make is that it’s like wearing different shoes; as a mother I feel like I’m wearing my old walking boots; they’re comfortable, reliable, I feel in control and if there are mountains ahead, we’ll climb them together. As a stepmother I sometimes think it’s like putting on my party shoes, they feel a bit unfamiliar and edgy but also special and when the party goes well it’s exhilarating but they can also pinch and blister and sometimes you just want to take them off. Which stepmother hasn’t gone from being upbeat and positive to sobbing behind the bathroom door all within the space of a few hours?
For a long time, the experiences of being a stepmother were not discussed, we were consigned to the background, described as not being the ‘real’ mother and worse had to fight against the evil stepmother stereotype in fairy stories. The truth is that there are hundreds of thousands of stepmothers all over the country quietly making packed lunches, checking that homework has been done and remembering the P.E. kit; just trying to make it work on a day-to-day basis. Things have changed enormously since my early days of being a stepmother in the 1990’s and I was really impressed with a series of Radio 4 programmes recently by Katie Harrison called ‘You’re Not My Mum : The Stepmum’s Side https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0b5l9wc/episodes/downloads.
They were a refreshingly honest examination of being a stepmother today and brought back a lot of the situations and emotions I remembered.
Like a lot of writers, I write to try and make sense of things and the section at the end of my first poetry collection Auscultation contains a sequence of poems about my experiences as a stepmother. The first poem in the section Fairy tales and Step Monsters is an exploration of being a stepmother. The hesitation I felt about not doing it ‘right’, when now I realise I should have worried less and enjoyed it more.
I wish I’d held your hand more often.
it would have been easy.
I wish I’d worried less
and made a nest of my fingers
for it to curl inside,
it used to slip into mine anyway.
Then the sense of trying so hard to make everything work for everybody
me holding things together
while the glue dried.
and finally that feeling of being so closely connected to someone but there still being an almost invisible barrier because they’re not quite your own.
However hard I tried I could only see
you through a window, hear your voice
on the other side of a door,
touch your arm through your sleeve.
The full poem can be found on my poems page. The section goes on to describe the traumatic experience of going through a court case with my husband so he could get regular contact with his son. A situation where there were no winners and we were all left scarred. As I was writing, fairy tale themes and motifs wove their way into the poems, perhaps it was a way of counterbalancing the trauma of the emotions, perhaps it was the sense of surrealism I experienced at times.
It wasn’t thirteen fairies that sealed your fate
but a man in black robes, a king in his own little
castle and because those closest to you turned
on a spit of loss and hurt and jealousy.
The final poem in the section was written as a reconciliation. In the heightened emotions of a stepfamily situation the relationship between the birth mother and the stepmother can become fraught, but in the end;
The truth is, neither of us was evil,
we both laid a trail of breadcrumbs
for you back to our doors.
I would also like to make it clear that I write from my own perspective and how I experienced those heart wrenching few years; the joy of falling in love with a man who happened to have a little boy and then falling in love with that little boy too, who taught me so much and revealed a side I didn’t know I had. My stepson has his own poems to write and his mother and father theirs. We can only write most honestly about what we know and that is what I have done.
There are so many good poetry events around these days, like the launch of Sarah Mnatzagianan’s new pamphlet, Lemonade in the Armenian Quarter, this Sunday 20th March,(details available at Against the Grain Poetry Press) or Stav Poleg’s first collection, The City, on 6th April (go to Carcanet website to register). These are both on Zoom which has been fantastic in extending the reach of poetry events in the last couple of years and enabling the poetry world to stay connected but I have missed the excitement and camaraderie of attending actual physical events. These are now starting to reappear and I’m very much looking forward to one on Saturday 26th March; the Carlisle Poetry Symposium, at Tullie House. I’m extra excited because I’m running a workshop there from 11-12.30 and also doing a reading in the afternoon. The workshop will include writing exercises using poems and other objects as prompts and there’ll hopefully be time for a couple of poetry games. if you haven’t played ‘Poetry Countdown’ yet, you’re in for a treat! The afternoon will consist of readings from poets interspersed by open mic slots all coordinated by the wonderful Andrew Hopkins who started the symposiums a few years ago. There is also a pop up poetry bookshop, with books available from all the participating poets. The workshop will be suitable for everyone and you’ll hopefully end up with several drafts of new poems by the end. Tullie House is a lovely venue, so do come along and join me. To book your place for the workshop go to https://andyhopkinspoet.wordpress.com/workshops/
What an exciting evening we had; poems about animals, surgical instruments, being a step mother and morris dancing! Here is the link to the reading, I hope you enjoy. There is a poem about the death of an animal which a friend said should carry a ‘mascara warning’ as it made her cry, so be prepared for that one all you mascara wearers!
Here is a link to a couple of the poems from Auscultation
Roadblock, was Seren’s featured Friday poem at the end of June and is the story of an evening visit to an injured horse. Below that is a video of Miss Freak’s Whelping Forceps, a poem about the design of this specialist instrument and how men and women have different approaches and ultimately
in the feral hours where instinct loosens
itself from shadows, it’s Miss Freaks we reach for
It’s a collection of poems written over the last 8 or 9 years but I suppose really a record of 30 years experience as a veterinary surgeon, stepmother and mother.
Auscultation means listening and specifically, in medicine, listening to sounds that come from the body’s internal organs. I have spent 30 years listening to animals and their inner sounds but also the concerns of owners and the stories of how animals play a central role in many of their lives. I’ve heard stories of cruelty and horror but also of such love and empathy I have been moved to tears. The consulting room really is a privileged place and the role of a veterinary surgeon can feel like a balance between healer, confessor and counselor at times.
The language of animals; how to restrain, coax and understand them is a skill learnt over a lifetime and I am still learning. I am constantly in awe of animals, their ability to adapt to situations and interpret them, their stubbornness, playfulness and honesty and in the case of horses and farm animals, their sheer bulk and majesty too. There are also poems about euthanasia and ending an animal’s life, the part of the job that all vets dread. These are the animals that wake you in the dark hours and make you question what you do. It’s a sad fact that the veterinary profession has the highest rate of suicide of any of the professions and this is explored in a few of the poems.
Other poems in the book are about my childhood and my experiences of being a stepmother and mother and the rollercoaster ride that parenthood takes you on. Here, listening and being listened to are central themes too, how the voice of a child can be ignored and the damage that can do and how we interpret motherhood according to our own experiences. The last section in the book is about being a step mother, the joy and heartache that brought and how, in fairy stories, stepmothers are always portrayed as the evil ones. These poems are deeply personal and a record from my point of view and of course the situation for all blended families is different and highly nuanced.
There will be a launch reading on Zoom on 13th July. Do get in touch if you’d like to be sent an invitation.
It’s not the mistake you make, it’s how you deal with it that matters
This is a saying I used all the time at work and I found how people reacted to their mistakes was often a good judge of character. I preferred working with people who were open and honest; who, when they realised something had gone wrong, apologised for it and asked how they could do better in the future. rather than people who tried to deny or cover up their errors. It’s not easy when we’re embarrassed or ashamed but our reaction is a measure of who we are.
Recent events across the world involving people of power have shown their true character, even though we may have been pretty sure of it before. This is the poem that came out of events in recent weeks.
The photo? It’s a horse gag. Let us never be gagged.
The Measure of a Man
It’s not surrounding yourself with gimlet- eyed sycophants reclining on cushions in your own private echo chamber, it’s pulling out the barbs of critics from your skin, however hard they sting and seeing their truth; that is a measure of your humility.
It’s not indulging in the gluttony of the feast grabbing the tastiest titbits of wealth and supremacy, it’s in the modesty of taking only what you need and giving the rest to those without hope or privilege; that is a measure of your morality.
It’s not the self-delusion of seeing the world through the eyes of your own class or colour, it’s having the courage to walk unfamiliar streets and greeting those you meet openly and with enquiry; that is a measure of your understanding.
It’s not how you accept the responsibility of power put on it dazzling crown, wield its weighty sceptre, it’s how you step down from the throne and pass on those enticing burdens to waiting hands; that is a measure of your grace.
Do not go ungraciously history will remember you for it.
The wonderful group CAM4Animals has put together a celebration of dogs and what they mean to us. They’ve included my poem ( inspired by Alice Oswald) about my little dog Broccoli. What a place these animals hold in our hearts!
What makes a poem a poem? So many things that books have been written in answer to to the question! What is interesting me at the moment is the use of white space on the page. As Glyn Maxwell famously wrote in On Poetry ‘Poets work with two materials, one’s black, one’s white’ and it’s the interaction of the two that not only frames a poem but allows it to breathe. Even more than that, the white space has been likened to a musical score, giving instructions to the eye on how to read and the ear on how to receive.
Line breaks are an integral part of these instructions, the emphasis they bring to the word at the end of the line or the word at the beginning of the next is central to the construction and interpretation of a poem.
Holly Pester used a great example in her article in Poetry News Vol 109:2 Looking at ‘The other plum poem’ by William Carlos Williams
To a Poor Old Woman
They taste good to her
They taste good
to her. They taste
good to her
In four short lines, moving the line breaks has created a pattern of different meanings and emphasis and intensified the sensation within the poem. Wow, powerful things these line breaks!
Here’s one of mine, the title poem from the pamphlet and one where line breaks play a significant part in the reading and meaning of the poem.
The dogs that chase bicycle wheels
stare out of windows,
checking the boundaries
checking the boundaries.
They have territories to protect,
from the backs of sofas
to front doors,
whole worlds held in their flat eyes.
Postmen breach defences,
to be bitten, ripped and pissed on.
Straining to a point always
just in front of their noses,
clicking of bicycle wheels
tricking them into the frenzy of a chase
for the white scut of a rabbit.
Unceasingly they scout crowded horizons
for what is not there,
I’m not really one for prayer but it strikes me that in these times when it seems like the whole world has been put on pause, people are still reaching out to each other with words of care or comfort and support is being given in surprising and inventive ways. One phenomenon I’ve noticed is the way that people are signing off emails and messages has changed. It got me thinking and so here is my wish for you.
Valediction in the Time of Covid.
I am no longer yours in faith or sincerity,
I cannot be the granter of wishes
in these interrupted days,
I can however issue instructions
in the hope they fall as talismen
We all know that poems can be beautiful things, powerful things. A poem can make you laugh, cry, all the cliches but occasionally poems are presented in a beautiful way too; one of these is in Maria Isakova Bennett’s glorious stitched journals, Coast to Coast to Coast. I was lucky enough to be included in the summer edition and was so excited to open the envelope when my copy came. As you can see, a thing of beauty.
Maria is also a poet in residence at the Aldeburgh Poetry Festival and is producing a special Aldeburgh edition of the journal. The brief was to spend an hour in a chosen location on a coast or by a river or lakeside and using as inspiration a favourite poem that links sea, coast, river or lakes and/or lines from excerpts of poems that Maria gave; write your own poem. The place I chose was Stickle tarn in the Lake District, just as the sun was going down one summer evening…
The journal is being launched at the Aldeburgh Poetry Festival on November 8th. Aldeburgh is a unique festival, a high quality series of workshops and readings set against a soundscape of the waves breaking on the pebbly Suffolk beach, not to be missed.
More information on Maria and Coast to Coast to Coast and Poetry in Aldeburgh can be found here;
Not long to go now, the week long folk extravaganza that is Sidmouth Folk Festival is only a couple of weeks away! Music, dance, singing, storytelling and now poetry are all on the programme. In the elegant and relaxed atmosphere of the Drawing room of the Royal Glen Hotel from 11.30- 1pm Sunday to Thursday, we’ll be using a variety of prompts and devices to stimulate our poetry brains. No previous writing experience is necessary, the workshops are suitable for novices as well as more experienced writers. They are stand alone but the more you come to, the more fun you’ll have! The subjects for this year’s workshops include ‘poetry of sound and silence’, ‘how to write a ballad’ and ‘poetry games’. If you’ve never experienced ‘Poetry Countdown’ or ‘Poetry what’s in the Bag?’ come along and find out! There’s also a chance to perform in the poetry slot in the Friday Morning Showcase concert.
New for this year is also Sidmouth’s first Poetry Open Mic. It will be held at The Woodlands Hotel on Tuesday 6th August from 5-7pm. Sign up on the door to read for up to four minutes, either your own work or bring along a favourite poem or two you’d like to share. Experienced writers or new poets welcome, or if you don’t want to read, the Woodlands is a perfect place to relax for a couple of hours and just listen to poetry. There will also be a chance to hear me read, I can always guarantee some poems about animals but also watch out for one or two about Morris dancing! I will be joined by a local poet, the amazing Jan Dean, whose work as a Poet-in-Schools has inspired new generations. She also writes ‘Poetry for grown-ups’ and her reading style and unique take on life are guaranteed to have you entertained and enthralled.
Contact me on email@example.com for more information.